Why Kids Not Showing Remorse When They’re Told Off Is Normal

Parents often find themselves perplexed when their children react to being told off with laughter or a noticeable absence of remorse. According to the insights and observations therapists gleaned from developmental psychology, these seemingly unconventional responses are commonplace and deeply ingrained in the intricate fabric of childhood development. So where do they come from and how can parents address them?

Boundaries and Expectations

Setting boundaries is essential to ensure children’s safety and manage their behavior effectively. Whether setting rules for street safety or managing screen time, boundaries provide structure and guidance for kids. Despite this groundwork, parents may still feel shocked or frustrated when their children respond unconventionally to being disciplined.

Therapists explain how infants are intrinsically linked to their primary caregivers, engaging in a continuous exchange where they learn to decipher their own emotions through the responses from their parents. They refer to this understanding between parent and child as “attunement,” and problems can arise when parents don’t recognize when their kids are becoming overstimulated and “misattunement” happens.

Constant Attunement Isn’t Possible

The important thing to remember is that it’s impossible to always be attuned with your children, leading to “rupture and repair” cycles, where you try to figure out what went wrong and meet your child’s needs.

As children progress towards physical autonomy, misattunement will happen more often, leading to moments of conflict between a child’s burgeoning independence and a parent’s instinctual urge to protect.

Promoting Understanding and Compassion

Ultimately, specialists declare that children who laugh in response to discipline may be dealing with conflicting emotions, teetering between enjoyment, fear, and the innate desire for connection and reassurance.

Professionals emphasize the importance of understanding and compassion when responding to children’s behaviors. Instead of instinctively reacting with anger or frustration,  address their behavior with a developmentally appropriate alternative. While setting boundaries calmly and explaining the reasons behind disciplinary actions, the children will move toward understanding and accountability.